Now I Mostly Drink Alone

It started as a social thing in college. I really didn’t like it that much, but—you know—all my friends were doing it so I played along. It continued into the Army and then through 12 years of teaching school. At first I would just sneak a little between classes, but toward the end I was openly drinking in class in front of my students. I was hitting the juice all day long—drinking more and enjoying it less. It had ceased being a social thing and had become a nasty habit.

I was probably well into my forties before I became a heavy drinker. It was not until then that I discovered how to enjoy coffee for its flavor more than just the caffeine jolt. I stumbled into a tiny coffee shop where they ground the beans and brewed your cup of joe on the spot. That first sip was pure heaven. Each sip after that just got better. It was strong; it was flavorful; it was real coffee, the likes of which I had never experienced before.

I’ve been hooked since that moment. Now I only drink the hard stuff. Fresh ground beans, brewed one cup at a time—never let it sit—no sugar, no cream, just perfectly black, thank you.

Unfortunately, what started as a social thing now confines me pretty much to solitude. Contrary to what they may say, most people do not like strong coffee. Likewise, most coffee shops do not serve strong coffee, at least not coffee that meets my standard of “strong.” The truth is that when it comes to drinking coffee, most men are boys and most women are girls. They like the caffeine jolt. But they never mature to an appreciation of the actual flavor of coffee which only reveals itself in a very strong brew. Strong coffee is one of life’s secret little joys that I have embraced, but I mostly drink alone.

The Lord's Prayer: A Slightly Irreverant Update

Here's my updated version of the Lord's Prayer which I offer to those of you who put your faith in government. You can commit this to memory and recite it to yourself during one of those long public "moments of silence."

Our sugardaddy, which art in Washington,
Big brother be thy name.
Thy gov'ment come, thy corruption be done
in Texas as it is in Illinois.

Give us this day our daily handout.
And forgive us our debts
as we fail to pay our bankers.
Lead us not into responsibility,
but deliver us from all bankruptcy.

For thine is the power
of the socialist states of America,
and big brotherism forever.
Right on!

Disclaimer: All hail the wisdom of our great sugardaddies
and sugarmamas, who taketh away all our debts and obligations!
Woe be unto our unborn grandchildren when the debt collector
comes knocking on their doors. This debt will be passed on, because we do not have enough taxpayers left standing to bear the burden. But it should be fun watching as the wealth of this great nation gets spread around and then goes swirling down a giant toilet drain.