Advice to Facebook Friends

What does Facebook friendship mean to you? Is it like a country club membership limited to only a select few of your closest, most intimate friends? Or is it open to all--even distant casual acquaintances--who would like to enter? Have you ever had a friend request ignored? If you have ever ignored a friend request from someone you know, perhaps you should think about what that could mean to him or her.

Like many of you I am involved with the vast social networking phenomenon that is known as Facebook. I use it to connect with friends and acquaintances, as well as to showcase and promote my business. I have reconnected with old college friends, army buddies, former students from my teaching days, and former clients from my photography business. I cannot begin to tell you the satisfaction and fulfillment I have gained by interacting with these long lost friends. I have even made some new friendships and repaired some damaged ones. It has been a wonderfully rewarding experience.

With all the good things to be said for Facebook, there is also the dark side. Most of you know that to accumulate "friends" you either send out "friend requests" or receive them. When you receive a friend request you can either confirm it (which basically says I know this person and would like to have him or her on my "friend list") or you can ignore it (this means you either do not know this person or you do not want to have any association with him or her). Likewise, the friend requests you send out can either be confirmed or ignored by the receiver. When your friend request is confirmed that is a joyful thing. On the other hand, when it is ignored that can be a hurtful thing.

I could count on the fingers of one hand--and have fingers left over--the number of friend requests I have ignored. These have been from people who I absolutely do not know, who have not sent a note explaining why they want to be my friend. Other than this I can think of no good reason to hurt someone by ignoring a request. I mean how shallow, how petty, how juvenile, do you have to be to ignore a friend request, especially from people you know? It is no big deal, after all. It's not like you are opening your door to someone to come over and raid your refrigerator or anything like that. Confirming a friend request is an infinitesimally small thing to do. The effort is tiny and it doesn't cost you anything. You sacrifice nothing by confirming a friend request.

I have had numerous friend requests ignored. It is most definitely a hurtful thing and leaves me pondering, "Why?" Most of the time I cannot fathom a reasonable answer. Then I am further perplexed when I see this person out in public, he smiles, nods his head, says how-do-you-do or whatever, asks about the family, and acts like we are the best of friends. Is this not a bit two-faced or am I just overly sensitive? Which required more effort--this great public pretense or clicking a button to confirm? I mean if you are going to ignore my Facebook friend request, then why not publicly ignore me as well?

This is no scientific study so it may not have any general application--it is rather just the random observations of a peculiar, perhaps demented, mind. Take it or leave it, as you please. I offer it free of charge and that may be exactly what it is worth. My advice to you: Do not ignore a friend request unless you have an extremely good reason to do so. It could come back to bite you.

Consider these cases in point:
• There is a national retailer of software that I use in my business. I have bought his software in the past. He ignored my Facebook friend request. I no longer do business with him.
• There is a local office machine business with an employee who ignored my friend request. I went elsewhere when I needed one of their machines.
• My dentist ignored my friend request. He is no longer my dentist. I figured if I am not worthy to be his Facebook friend, then I am not worthy to be his patient.
• I could cite more examples, but you probably get my drift already.

Think on this before you belittle someone by ignoring a friend request.